You asked for it! How to Lose Weight According to Pat

The comments are working again, but most of the questions and comments that we’ve gotten have come from people that we know.  After going back and forth on it a bit, I’ve decided to write some quick answers.

We’ll deal with the most popular first, which is some variation of:

“But Pat, you aren’t fat anymore!”

There are a few ways for me to approach that.  The first is to remind you that that was the whole reason we started this – to see what would work for actual fat guys living in the real world.  The Primal Blueprint worked a lot better for me than the dietary insanity of timed eating, fruit sucking, blah, blah, blah that John half-heartedly attempted.  He had a tough time sticking to his plan, and my plan was a breeze.  In fact, my attempt was half-hearted too (don’t tell him I said that), yet I was still successful.  Or was I?

And that’s my next point.  Am I really done? And I don’t mean that in the “it’s a lifetime commitment” kind of way.  I mean, am I really thin?  The answer is, no.  I’m certainly thinner, but not thin.  I still can’t do the Special K pinch yet (but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to be eating Special K… well, at least not the cereal).  I think our idea of fat has changed over the years.  If you don’t believe me, watch the movie Fatso.

I remember seeing it years ago and thinking, “Dom DeLuise is one fat bastard.”  When I see it now I think, “Dom was lookin’ kinda svelte back then.”  I’m not saying that I’m in Dom’s category (or John’s), but I never took it all the way to “beach body” status.  The best I can say is that I’m “less portly.”

So maybe while I’m putting on the finishing touches, and John’s still figuring out that he’s better off eating some damn meat or eggs in the morning instead of a piece of fruit, we should search for another fat guy.  Somebody out there who’s tired of doing all of the stupid crap that conventional wisdom tells us to do and is ready to join us.  Then another when John gets there, then another, and another until there are no fat guys left in the world!

“Whatever happened to Combat Fitness and/or Crossfit?”

Technically, I’m still using Combat Fitness.  I’m still doing many of the same exercises; I’ve just pared it down and scaled it a bit.  just last night while I was doing myotatic crunches on my Stott ball (I’m too cheap to buy a Bosu Ball), I realized that it’s just a short roll into a back bridge, so I threw those back into the mix as well.  And by “scaled,” I mean that there aren’t too many easier versions of the exercises that I can start off with.

CrossFit was awesome.  I learned a lot while I was there, and made some real progress.  Then I got a job that only allowed me to make the 6AM class.  That meant that I had to get up at around 4:30.  See, if you’re gonna CrossFit, you’d better crap before you go.  For me that means a lot of coffee and moving around..  But I recommend it; if you’re thinking about it, check out this advice on picking a CrossFit gym:

The Primal Blueprint Fitness plan is also a little easier for me to scale than the others.  By that I mean that rather than feel like a failure because I can’t do this or that (especially when I can’t do it in front of a bunch of other people), I can do the easier version until I progress to the next step.  Take pushups.  Pushups can be really difficult for many people at first.  With PBF, you can start as easy as doing pushups while standing, and leaning slightly into a wall.  Then progress to “girl” pushups  on your knees when the wall pushups become too easy.  Progress happens a lot quicker when you don’t kid yourself into thinking that scaling is for weaklings.  You can do all of this at home where no one can see you, so be honest with yourself and scale!  I’ve made progress pretty quickly, and so can anyone else.  (I still can’t do a stupid unassisted pull-up though.)

“Why don’t you give more tips?”

I think we do give some tips here and there, but, to be quite honest, there are plenty of better places to get tips out there.  Then again, there are plenty of worse ones too.  I get most of my tips from anyway, so why bother regurgitating them?  As much as we joke about being a fitness and nutrition experts, we’re not.  We’re experts in being fat guys, and that’s something that most of the other gurus can’t say.  We’ve been there, tried that, and can tell you what’s bullshit.  Usually.

“You’ve come so far, and done all of these healthy things, yet you still smoke!”

You’re right.  Fuck it.  Gimme a large calzone and a Coke.


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